hey everyone i've not been able to sleep this few days i dont really know why. somethings bothering me... up in my head... its just that every night, when i close my eyes to try to sleep, i'll start thinking bout all of the same things over and over.! SIGH yes i've been saying that i had a good sleep, been sleeping at 11+ well yeah its true that i close my eyes lie on the bed at 11+ but i'll just be awake till 3+4 then fall asleep! its every night! its jsut all those problems will start flying into my head... i try to stop thinking bout it but it never leaves. i do my qt and it still never leaves. till 3+ 4 i'll just fall asleep... its like that arh its either im gonna crash and literally collaspe by sunday or i'll just collaspe tmrw ... i just finished my geog project... i'm going to chiong some other stuff then i'll head to bed but probably i won't be able to sleep again so yeah :/ and on sunday i'll collaspe and seriously explode outta stress! STREAMING! EXPRESS! PROBLEMS! GO FCKING LOST MAN! ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! BLEAH!!! well ok lah i not going to blog liaoxs... needa chiong stuff and go do qt then try sleep... nights nights then (: xoxo muacks phoebe! shalalala!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

shalalala... life has been ok i guess dont knw lah haha really ...shalalala hmm IM NOT AH LIAN OR BIMBO OR BIMBOAHLIAN! OKOK NO TIME GONNA SLEEP NIGHTYNIGHT xoxo muacks! phoebe!!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

life has been soso i guess... hmmmm got some problems soo yeah...hehheh... arhh sianded... anyway hmm many ppl have been saying i've been abit ah lianish?! so not true ok maybe abit... well influenced i guess... ... heh... hmmm still coughing ): hate it arhhhh cough until wanna die liao lah wa laoo! ahhahaa hmmmmmmm shalalalala quite bored sia... you know life has been really confusingg... like really confusing :/ like its this and that and this and that all around my brain soo deaading haha... argh fucked up life! oh well kk no mood to blog lah sorry blog tmrw yeah (: loves

Friday, August 21, 2009

life can't possibly get any worse... had fever for 3 whole days and now i'm feeling much better though i have to stay back another day to do pba ): i dont wanna do it alone! arh sianded! ): its raining and there's thunder and i'm scared. had a phobia of thunder since young...man... haha glad my daddy took half day today and now he is at home with me so i'm not that scared cause he's home and i'm not alone at home. if i'm alone and there's thunder i'll scream i'm telling you cause thunder and lightning and being alone and being in the dark are the most fearful fear in my list of fears hahaa... so glad i'm not alone at home... i miss my school friends ): i wanna go back to school though i dislike studying but i miss my friends... staying at home rotting sucks i tell you sucks! daddy bought glucose for me to drink (: happy happy... ohoh you know cause of my sickness, i lost 4 kg :O i'm not kidding... i have a weighing machine at home. its amazing how you can lose weight so fast being sick but i hate being sick ... well at least my appetite gain back a little huh?! hahaa i hope i get well by tonight so i can spend my weekends happily (: hahaha hmm yeah i guess i did change, having this 3 days to think bout what i'm doing with my life really helped. with all the wonderful prayers by all my wonderful friends i love ya'll soo much thankyou all!!! i've changed in a good way(: my mind is soo called thinking properly now and i've started to start reading my bible all over again(: i love the book luke (: its my favourite! luke 12: 22-34! :D i know its a little hard to see but yeah haha sorry hahahahaa i just love that whole chapter haha (: it speaks to me (: alright i'll blog another day (: loveloves i'm happy casue prayer works now my fever is gone(: my temperature is 36.7 now and i feel awesome (: thankyou for all the prayers and thank you God for healing me (: iloveya'll (: muacks, xoxo phoebe(:

Thursday, August 20, 2009

sad to say i'm running a fever... :/ today and ytd and my temperature is really on and off its like high and then low and then high and arhhh hahaha i really hope i can go school tmrw... if i still have fever tmrw i'll have to go see the doctor again sigh... just hope i get well before the weekends come... its the weekends i dont want to spend the weekends lying in bed at home :/ and i got loads to catch up in school after this two days of mc ): sadded. thanks all for your prayers (: i'm sure God will put his healing hand on me (: thanks ya'll (: oh and one more thing, if i ever cut myself or do something ridiculous(not including suicide cause i won't do that haha thats too extreme) please slap me awake thankyou! i'm not kidding i'm being serious about this ok ! thanks all (: people don't worry bout be ok (: i'm sure i'll do fine after awhile. it just takes time yeah (: with this situation i'm in i'll probably just have to try my best to solve this without anything else happening and i'm sure i'll pass with all my friends help and God (: i'll think positive. put it in the way that this is a test God put me into (: so i should try my best to get this problems over with and i'll grow much closer to God and actually mature (: i may be 14 but this problems really is driving me nuts but with all my beloved friends support, God's helping hands i'm sure i'll be able to survive this battle against the temptation of satan's making me cut myself and going nuts. but i'm sure i'll win this battle as i know that all my friends are supporting me behind (: my sissy just came home and she was like it's already 2 and you haven't ate lunch! YOU BETTER GO EAT! hahaa... now i know many do care for me. my sissy do care for me it's just that she shows it in some other form not direct but i can feel her love (: hahaa alright i shall end here don't know what to blog bout anymore haha (: i miss everyone in school ): i wanna get well soon (; thanks for the prayers(: iloveya'll! muacks! xoxo phoebe!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

hey everyone... i edited this picture today... well i just wanted to i guess. i'll be on MC for today and tomorrow okay?! i'm having fever, cough,headache. :/ actually having mc for this two days won't be so bad cause i'll be given time to actually catch up on work especially art, and i'll be able to have sometime to spend my day at home to actually think properly. Think about how's life. i've not really come to my own senses yet. sorry yuhern... i apparantly cut myself. didn't want to but well i can't help it but i promise i won't do it again right?! (: believe me. i guess... anyway, thinking through everything, mel i'm sorry. we somehow can't communicate anymore?! we'll just have to try and try to communicate i guess. i know you don't understand me anymore. i'm sorry if you have to feel that way. sorry bout everything. cause now meantime, i can't even understand myself so how am i suppose to ask you to understand me right?! give me time dear give me time. yeah?! guess i'm running away from reality again huh?! i'm always looking cheerful and everything but i'm not. not one bit... if i made anyone of you worried or something, i'm sorry cause now i dont understand myself, i dont even know whats going on in my life. i just need time okay? i know it ain't easy for ya'll but it aint easy for me neither. you may think i dont wanna tell ya'll anything but its not that. it's just that i guess i'm afraid? you ask me why am i afraid! is it cause i don't trust you?! ITS NOT TRUE! i trust ya'll every single one. it's just me. i guess it's due to what i've experienced? well i thought i was already over what i experienced and what i've learned cause of it. well apparantly i'm not over it yet. i'm still afraid. guess that's what happens huh?! once it's broken, even when it's fixed back, there'll still be scars and scratch marks left behind. it ain't removable. with justin's death, i learned that i was always depending on him. on his rescue to help me stand up again. for over 10 years of my life, i've depended on him and now i'm alone. no more justin to depend on i guess that's when i have to start learning to depend on myself, to be independent. yes i know i have God and that's all i need. praying to God everyday helps. but for the meantime, i'll have to learn to trust in God again. i've drifted far and now i have to go back to him before anything else happens. i need him and i know he wants me back but now it's when i have to be independent and face my fears. face my troubles and not runaway again. guess i've been to dependent on the people around me and took them for granted huh!? it's time, time that i learn to stand on my feet again when i fall. time that i have to learn to be independent so that i can walk towards God again. and i know God will always be there to wait for me and lend a helping hand. if i ever want to cut myself or do something stupid again, you have my permission to slap me awake. seriously. i'm just running away from my problems like usual. stop it phoebe, if you continue to run, it'll never be solved and more problems will just add on. and i'll just get worse and worse. sometimes i guess that's how life is huh?! everyone changes. i'll just have to get use to it. for now i guess i'm changing and it'll affect some people as well so i want ya'll to know that you'll still be the same person i knew from the start till the end. and i still love you. so meantime if i suddenly shut up and not talk to anyone, please understand. that's how i guess i can solve my probs? or maybe i'm just running away again... i want ya'll to know that i love ya'll and thankyou for everything. i thankyou for being there and i'm sorry i've let ya'll down again and again. iloveya'll. this is not a suicidal post please ppl, i won't be that stupid to keel myself. i just need ya'll to understand that, that's how i feel, how life has been...

Monday, August 17, 2009

you know sometimes i feel like keeling myself... yes i love my friends and they love me... i thank God for them and all but sometimes i just really cannot understand myself... arhh WANNA FUCKING KEEL MYSELF ALREADY! I'LL BLOG TMRW OK I DONT HAVE THE MOOOD NOW YEAH sorry ppl who i kinda ignored ytd wasnt a good day at all... yeah sorry :/

Sunday, August 16, 2009

omgggg hahah i love hyun jung's voice haha he looks really handsome when he smiles (: awwwwwwwww hahaa ok anyway today was awesome went to david/deborah/amanda's house to study. we did haha then after that we played with the two kids haha they are super adorable! one is called selena who is 5 years old and the other florence who is 8 ... their from england and man they have an accent and they are sooo adorable (: haha and florence she learns SPANISH like omg soo adorable! ahaha little kids are just so cute! haha then played badminton with them... i suck at it soo long never play already but after awhile got the hang of it haha (: haha i wanna go back and play with them again! they are just sooo adorable (: haha ok then bea came to my house and we "talked" some stuff yeah personal stuff (: haha so yeap dont ask MUAHAHAH anyway then erm i send her to the mrt [daddy drove] hahaa then erm went home and bathe and now i'm blogging (: haha ilove today! i had so much fun hahah and beatrice! ILOVEYOU SOO MUCH YOUR THE BEST TWIN SISSY I CAN EVER EVER EVER HAVE (: you know even when i emo, with you around, i dont know why but i'll just get damn happy and not emo anymore (: haha you know guess that's what friends are for yeah?! haha (: iheartyou dear (: haha MUACKS! life has been nothing but happiness lately well guess its cause im watchin bof and it cheers me up? and anyway after the no one else album launch, it kinda made me really cheerful guess its the songs that spoke to me? haha i've drawn much closer to God too (: haha really glad (: hahaaa oh and thank God for gordon's recovery (: hehhehh... (: haha oh and i also pray for the ppl having to suffer cause of the typhoon too!!! Gosh its really scary hope they'll be alright! keep them in prayers ok everyone (: i'm sure you will :) alright i guess thats all for today then (: haha love loves (: MUACKS! ILOVEYOU EVERYONE! phephe!!! ♥♥

Thursday, August 13, 2009

omgomggg i just watched BOF again! hehehehhehe hahahha... ((((((: arhh now i found a way to make myself happy! (: even when i'm emo... after that i'll be happy and hyper!!! you knwo what it isss??? you know you know.... WATCH BOYS OVER FLOWERR!!! arhh I WATCH ALREADY WILL GET HYPER AND SMILE!!!! HAHAHA FOUND MY SECRET WEAPON TO MAKE ME SMILE... (: HAHAA!!! ilovekimbum deepdeeppppp....... hahahaa ok girl moment girl moment... hahaa ((((: hahaa.... .... ok smiling to myself hahahah ok retard!!! omg 2/5 SEXY PPL WE ROCK MANN!!! TODAYS BASKETBALL GAME THOUGH WE GOT TRASHED... BUT WE ROCKED ! HAHHA WE GOT THE AWESOMEEE CHEERING AND AND THE AWESOME PPL PLAYING THE BASKETBALL GAME! WOOOOOOOOTS HAHA ILOVEYOU2/5 ... ROCKED THE SOCKES BABAY! okk gonna talk on the phoney now haha talk to you another day sexy (: haha lovesloves

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

hello hello! hahha me high high... .. today was just another boring school day oh and i HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABWAI! I LOVEYOU DEEPDEEP (: MUACKSS ok back anw haha im like bored bored bored hah soo just gonna keep the post short and sweet hahah (: ok the end haha i told you i'm bored soo abit insane haaaa gonna BOF now (: haha talktoya soooon lovesloves ILOVEKIMBUM!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

hey wanna meet my new husband ^^ MR. KIMBUMMM HE SUPER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOTTTYYY BOYBOYY I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH OMGGG HE IS SOOOO ADORABLY HOTT & OMG LOVE HIM LAHH HAHAAA KIM BUM = SEXY ADORABLE HOT MAN! ((((((:

hello! sorry i didn't blog for 5 days:O i was a little busy having fun and studying (: life has been alright so far. nothing special to me and well, it's a so-so condition i guess. some days are HAPPY, some days aren't. well now all i want to do is focus on my studies. i have to finish up my studies for streaming this year. A little too late to realise that i have streaming and it's important but it's better to start studying and "choinging" now than to wait till the last last last minute then start studying that's worst! well and at least it's better than not even studying and wait till the exams are over and results are out then regret right?! so to you all smarty pants, if i need help i'll ask ok and please help me (: i need all the help i can get cause i really am not understanding maths! science a little ok but not so good ... my english, lit and history are doing fine. geography so-soo and my chinese HEHEHEHE you think?! horrible like shiat man hahaa.... so i need all the help i can get for maths and science and well a little of chinese but maths and sciencce MORE haa but remember to handle yourself first then come help me later i make you do badly i feel soo BAD hahah thankyouthankyou for those ppl who will help me soon hahha... thanking you in advance hehheh... putting all my best effort in it! i'm not sleeping in class anymore (: and i'm studying everyday at home now (: (: i very guai (: (: hahah well i think cause got influence by ppl cause they study a lot hahah (: soo yeahh okok off to study noww haha i'll try to blog everyday but only when i'm done studying (: haha lovesss! phoebe!<33

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

ok ... not in the mood like now soo like yeah... yes i know i've changed and stuff so like yeah... you dont need to tell me that i became bitchy and stuff but like yeah... i know i became... ...so yeah... im just really yeah... i dont knw i'm confused, scared and everything that you dont know ... IM A FCKING BITCH OK ! I GET IT i'm not angry with you or anything ok (: because i know i've oh forget it just know that i still love you and all alrights anw you said that i've changed "so called" become a bitch?! yeah i know IM A FCKING... BIATCH OK ! sorry i need to vent my anger ok (: IM A FCKING BITCH I KNOW OK im not a person who expresses much ok so yeahh live with it this is not to anyone it is to myself ok ! SCREW MY FCKING LIFE LAH

Sunday, August 2, 2009

last night it was no one else concert! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS! damnn funn lahh!!! i was quite high at the end of no one else manss(: ohohh THANKYOU THANKYOU FOR SAVING ME A SIT ALLL MY SEXILICIOUS FRIENDSSS! (: hahaha yeapp had fun fun funnnnn then erm went back home with my sissy and well talked on the phone with beatrice and yuhern, david and gordon cause yh and david was sleeping over at gordon's place. hahahaa! then talked till like 4am and i went to sleep then today woke up at 9am and david, yh and gordon slept at 6 am woke up at 8/9 am hahahah crazy bunch of ppl! haha yeappp today then erm went out to find beatrice and then went to gordon's house and left for grace with all of them... after service was quite high then erm was jumping here and there talking going insane! SAW GAB WAI!!! hahaha missed her loads (: haha anw then erm talked to sam and tok some photos (: and then headed to tiong with yuhern, david, gordon, bea and along the way to tiong in mrt, there was jethro, wei yang as well... mmhmm then kinda had headache soo kept quiet hahaah :P haha yeapp and now i'm home... dunnoe whats wrong but my mummy is ignoring the whole family and my sissy is angry?! then my daddy dunnoe what is wrong with my mummy also a little pissed off then i stuck in the middle?! so yeahh :/ anyway at least i have my friends there for me (: haha thats what i thank God for man.. (: mmhmmm oh well no mood to blog liao soo yeapp shall end here ! well loves (: signing off phoebe

Saturday, August 1, 2009

omgomggg i cant wait for no one else later! WOOTS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!!! <33 gonna watch harry potter later then i'll try to go meet yuhern, gordon, they all haha and then go to grace 2 haha omggg i dont know what to wear! THIS IS SOOO FUSTRATING! GOSH ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okok breathe haha i shall go decide now blog bout this tonight or tmrw morning ok (: cannot wait for no one else WOOTS!

darlings(:

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