Life

Saturday, October 3, 2009

in the morning i wake up
it feels like i wasnt meant to be in this
world

in the afternoon in school
it feels like i dont belong. it feels like everyone
just hates me and that i am a pain

in the night at home
i feel lonely and neglected and i cry myself to
sleep

GOD! i know whats wrong with me... and i thank
farisya for being frank and honest and for still loving me for who i am (:
ILOVEYOUTOO

i know i can be irritating. i can be really
talkative and well annoying but well i guess i'm that way because of a reason i
found out years ago. i'm afraid of lossing my friends of they forgetting me and
thus i always talk but you know what in the end i end up destroying my
friendships instead of building it. i hate myself.

why why why am i like this
why cant i be a better person
it feels as if no one loves me and that i
dont deserve love
i'm always left out since
young and even now... i guess i really dont deserve love
huh!?
thinking too much? no i'm not. its the way things
are around me. i can feel it i can feel it, its not me thinking too much its
just that, that is the way things are and what can i do about it?
nothing

i just hate my life. i hate it to the core. I wanna
die. cliques here and there and where do i go? no where. it wouldnt be a
surprise if ppl come and suddenly talk to me just to sympathize me. had it
experienced it.
i'm tired of problems
tired of living in this complicated
life
can anyone take this agony away
i just dont want to feel anything
anymore
i'd rather be emotionless , be a person with no
emotions at this point of time.

people may say that i'm thinking too much. but you
know its not true
you dont know what im thinking. try being in my
shoes. its not that i think too much i dont even think. but i feel it. i can
feel it. you just dont understand me
i'm sorry that you dont understand
me
i'm sorry that i cant let you relate to me
but its just life and i cant take it
anymore
first that and now this
what have i turned into? what kinda horrible
monster am i now?

thankyou for loving me but its just me. i dont know
whats going on in my life anymore i hate it

its not anyone fault so please PLEASE dont apologise for what you said or if you think you insulted me.
yes i know whatever i asked and you all told me honestly, yeah it hurts but i THANK you for telling me the truth and thats what i really wanted (: thanks
dont apologise it's me. i should be apologising instead. i thank ya'll for still loving me and all... you've all been really nice and great. i'm the one who should be sorry and that i should've been a greater friend.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

dear bloggers
many do not know what i'm really thinking... somehow people seem that im not stressed out or anything... well at least i think so

know at the beginning of the year, i thought that i had finally found a really great friend. a friend that i finally can trust and finally can feel loved by someone, but knowingly, things change and well life isnt the way you always want it to be. good things have to come to an end sadly to speak.

cliques form over years, clique splits over years. you find true friends as you grow but some just come and go.. you know i thought and i felt like i finally found someone that made me feel like i belonged to the class to the group of friends but you know as time pass by seeing ppl clearer now, its almost the end of term and what i'm feeling now its weird. i've ruined friendships and i've tried to make it good, some work some didnt.

i feel like i dont belong there. i feel like i'm always the one left out. the one being extra and being a pooper. its hard to actually find who you can trust and who you cant. some are trustworthy but they might not be close to you or care about you. some seem like they care and they seem real close but they just arent trustworthy. i know ppl who i can trust but somehow i jsut feel like i dont belong there anymore. i'm always the one left out acting like i fit in i always put a smile on my face. but you know i just feel like crying every day of my life ... its running away i know but what else can i do... its hard to change what ppl think.

i hate my life. and when i need you here you just arent. God i feeel so stressed! Fucking