| Wednesday, September 2, 2009 |
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okay i cant say more but to let you guys know, my life totally suck like fucking hell much now! sorry for the vulgarities! i know i seldom use them but i just cant take it anymore! life really is fucking confusing! yes i'm praying and trying to get back closer to God keeping all my faith and trust in God. so yeah... im fucking confused and everything and i really hate it this way! people have been asking me about what happen to the old HAPPY PHOEBE! to tell you the truth, it never existed since primary5 onwards... i cant help but put a front when out with ppl i dont want them to worry but the thing is i cant take it anymore... if i put a front some more, i'm gonna go crazy so if this few days/weeks/months i've not been smiling, SORRY i apologise. i just need to chill and think clearly now... having mixed feelings and everything and if you dont understand what is mixed feelings its ok you dont need to understand. so many problems and all this new things come up in my head and heart! wtf! i cant fucking take it anymore! you know all i want is to live a normal happy God fulfilling life and apparantly it's harder than i thought. i guess its a test given by God but i really cant take it and i'm apparantly failing the test so im gonna buck up. stop thinking bout stuff and just believe and trust in God. it's not easy but i can try! i believe i can do it. thanks for everyone being there for me! all this stress andd everything.. been losing weight cause of stress then no appetite, its good i lost weight but bad in the way i actually lost weight. i dont know and i dont really care anymore! i dont fucking wanna care anymore... you'll probably tell that im running away again right! but oh well i just cannot help it. i'll try not to run ok i promise. thanks for helping though but it's up to me! so only i can control it thanks for the support guys. mixed feelings suck like hell! its not fun! its fucking confusing and i freaking cannot take it anymore lah wa lau! CB sia! KNS ! FUCK LAH! really cannot take it anymore but yeah ok i gotta go. using school com so yeah. love xoxo phoebe! |